Expectations

green leaves

Rhubarb leaves and lichens on a stone, in the morning sun. September 20th, 2014

There are days I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t mean that there isn’t plenty enough to do, but more that I don’t know which of those things I should do. Two days off in a row, it’s the first time it’s happened since I started working for my new employer in August. I’ve been looking forward to these two days off for so long that I built up too many plans, too many expectations of how they should be. Control – I’m beginning to admit that I am a bit of a control freak. It’s really kind of funny because I often feel so helpless. How can I control anything? I can’t. I shouldn’t try to do it so hard. Let go – doesn’t mean give up. I’ve got lessons to learn. If I could only learn to listen to my inner-teacher and remember what I already know.

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