Yesterday, on my sweets birthday we went to the Alaska Aviation Heritage Museum. It was a wonderful experience, we had the whole place to ourselves. There was also a full immersion flight simulator for J, to experience.
We wandered slowly, and tried to take it all in. So much to see, to read and to take in. It really was a beautiful and love filled day.
For dinner, I made him a yummy thick grass fed all natural New York steak, salad and onion rings. After dinner, I began baking the Duff’s designer cake mix. Suddenly, my MELTDOWN came on. I don’t always see them coming. In fact, I rarely do.
I’ve had a lot on my mind, swirling swirling thoughts and feelings. I have felt isolated quite a bit. It’s come to the forefront once again, that outside my sweet and my daughter and grandchildren I have no connections. No true friends, no relationships outside of Facebook likes and work associates – even though I really do try to. With my daughter and grandchildren down in the lower 48, I only have J. When he and I don’t agree or even if he’s just sleeping etc, I am left alone with my brain.
My brain can be a terrible place, filled with anxiety and extremely depressing thoughts. Often when I have a really good day, it can come crashing down around me and I feel extreme lows. It’s part of my disorders, or it’s just how my lousy emotional and social skills surface.
Thank you for all of the kind words, and your continued visits. Be good to yourselves friends.