Riches

colorful flowers

Vibrant green and purple flowers. Sent to J for his birthday, from his Mother. Birthday in October, photo taken in November of 2015.

Who is rich? He who rejoices in his portion. ~The Talmud

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Meditation

yellow and green blooms

A quick snapshot of the flowers for sale, at the local market. November, 2015.

Today, I took some of the first steps returning to my spiritual path. It feels good, and Goddess knows I need it. Thank you Universe! ❤

Daily Duty

blue sky

Blue sky over Lake Hood. On October 29th, 2015.

“Is the blue sky happy?
It is doing its daily duty,
Of course it is happy.”
~Terri Guillemets

Aviation Musem

Yesterday, on my sweets birthday we went to the Alaska Aviation Heritage Museum. It was a wonderful experience, we had the whole place to ourselves. There was also a full immersion flight simulator for J, to experience.

We wandered slowly, and tried to take it all in. So much to see, to read and to take in. It really was a beautiful and love filled day.

For dinner, I made him a yummy thick grass fed all natural New York steak, salad and onion rings. After dinner, I began baking the Duff’s designer cake mix. Suddenly, my MELTDOWN came on. I don’t always see them coming.  In fact, I rarely do.

I’ve had a lot on my mind, swirling swirling thoughts and feelings. I have felt isolated quite a bit. It’s come to the forefront once again, that outside my sweet and my daughter and grandchildren I have no connections. No true friends, no relationships outside of Facebook likes and work associates – even though I really do try to. With my daughter and grandchildren down in the lower 48, I only have J. When he and I don’t agree or even if he’s just sleeping etc, I am left alone with my brain.

My brain can be a terrible place, filled with anxiety and extremely depressing thoughts. Often when I have a really good day, it can come crashing down around me and I feel extreme lows. It’s part of my disorders, or it’s just how my lousy emotional and social skills surface.

Thank you for all of the kind words, and your continued visits. Be good to yourselves friends.

The Reindeer Farm

My sweet and I went out to the Williams Reindeer Farm in Palmer, Alaska this last weekend. We had never been to visit before, it was a great experience. “October Fun” is geared towards families with small children but, we are both just big kids at heart! ❤

The drive was nice. We don’t drive outside of town to often (even though we’d like too.) The trees are bare, and there is still no snow on the ground. Our winter is projected to be mild again this year. Driving on the Old Glenn Highway was a first time experience for me. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a two lane highway!

The farm had a pen where reindeer could be hand-fed but, most were full and completely uninterested in accepting any more pellets from the hundreds of people visiting. It was wonderful to see them so close. There were some beautiful racks on those reindeer. Reminded me of trees.

There was also live music, a gift shop with snacks and Husky burgers for sale. Face painting, a Spooky Walk (haunted house for kids) a bunny holding area, hay maze and more. It was a windy day but, gosh I had a darn good time! I will most likely use more of our photos in future posts. And, if you are wondering.. yes, I’ve eaten reindeer. It’s good. It’s usually mixed with ground beef and made into hot dogs or sausages.

Ramble

parrot

This is our friend Denail. He is a grey African parrot at a local shop. October 10th will be his 21st birthday!

Happy Birthday to our sweet feathered friend Denali! On October 10th he will be 21 years of age! How fantastic is that!? 🙂

Ok, that’s great about the bird but where have I been? (I hope some of you ask.) I don’t know what happened but, I dropped off the blogging map for a bit. Today, I’m plopped on my sofa watching Chopped Canada (boy that’s a weird version of the show.) Yesterday, I spent the day with the lovely J and tooled about town. We visited Denali, if you didn’t notice. He’s quite the character.

The week before, I worked 7 days in a row and ended up doing over time several days on top of that. It’s kind of funny because my job is not a critical type of role in the world like doctor, paramedic or something where you can see the need to work such long hours but yet, I do. It’s the standing joke that I actually never go home, I sleep on a cot in the back – if I actually slept. But no, I do go home. It’s been quite nice too, because J has been keeping on the dishes & cleaning so I just get to climb into bed and die for the evening. That’s what it feels like anyway.

Post op update: I’ve broken all the rules. I’m the worst patient ever. Same day of surgery, we went grocery shopping. Second day after surgery I was in pain. One week after surgery, I had sexual intercourse (oh my!) with my honey and one and a half weeks after I took a bath. This morning, I just had to have a hot bath – I couldn’t take it any longer. I was supposed to wait two weeks for both sex and bath, but I knew I would never make it that long.

And now for the weird wrap up to this rambling post. Who knew it would go from a bird’s birthday to sex talk but hey, that’s just part of who I am.

“I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes
several days attack me at once.”
~Jennifer Yane

Nothing but Roses

red rose

A vibrant red rose the size of a cabbage in McKinley Park, Sacramento California.

“Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them;
sometimes they forgive them.” ~Oscar Wilde

In the late afternoon, on my birthday we went to McKinley park in Sacramento, California which has a poignant place in my memory. It is a secret marker, a milestone of sorts. It was important for me to return, and my daughter’s family made that happen.

We strolled around the pond first, we looked at and photographed trees (well I did) and we also got to introduce her (my Granddaughter) to some baby geese! Once she saw them, she was captivated! A lady jogger ran through them, getting close to the babies and taking photos on her cellphone. It was at that moment, my Granddaughter recognized that as bad and said “no,no, no!” It was adorable.

She and I held hands and walked around the roses. Each was a brand new gift of excitement and wonder to her. It was fantastic! She expressed in her youth and inexperience, just exactly how I still feel when I look at beautiful flowers. She didn’t want to walk on the grass, so we stuck to the paved pathways. This walk through a park, will also be one of the greatest times of my life and I am forever grateful.

Update: She’s conquered her hesitance towards the grass!

Effort

food

My European deli meal for my birthday! April 6, 2015 in Sacramento, California.

For my birthday my daughter flew me out of Alaska, and down to California! I hadn’t seen her in almost 8 years! She paid for my ticket so that I could meet my two wonderful Grandchildren. It was a major blessing, there are just no words to describe how incredible it was!

We went out with the babies in the stroller, and took a nice long walk around the neighborhood together.  Visiting thrift stores, and a variety of shops. We came across two European deli markets and had a lot of fun looking at all the different foods, spices and other items. We picked up a jelly roll cake, a potted meat from Poland, a vegetable soup from Ukraine (I think) and some marinated mushrooms from behind the counter at one of the shops. I also bought myself a KINDER EGG! The prize was an adorable glow in the dark ghost holding a red & white lollipop! One of the grossest things I picked out were chocolates with alcohol like vodka in them! Eww lol!

The greatest thing about this meal, was that my daughter and granddaughter were so willing to eat the food and try new things with me! It made me really happy! I remember as my daughter got older, we didn’t sync anymore. I can’t blame her. During some of the most formative years of her life, I turned into a horrible selfish drunken sobbing mess. I had a mid-life crisis in my twenties!

Even with my past, and everything that I went through… she should have always been my priority! I should have made more effort! It’s a wound I cannot fix. It is there, and that time is lost. It is, what it is and no matter how sorry for it all that I am – it cannot be undone. So, to have her do something so wonderful and reach out to me. To bring me to her family, and to welcome me with open arms, and make the effort to eat a silly meal with me… was and always will be on of the greatest memories of my life! I am grateful.

Expending Energy

white flowers

Rainy flowers on a shrub, in April of 2015. Mid-day. Sacramento, California.

“Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.” ~Albert Camus

The Dancer

tree

A tree in my daughter’s front yard, in Sacramento California. Taken in April of 2015.

“Everything in the universe has rhythm. Everything dances.” ~Maya Angelou