Happy Thanksgiving!

yellow orchids

Edited photo of yellow and burgundy orchids. Thanksgiving, 2015.

Blessings to all who celebrate, or don’t but have much to be thankful for!

Inward

selfie

A selfie. Taken in the summer of 2015. Edited to slightly to pixelate the image.

A very sensitive person in this stupid world is bound to become mad….
Only meditation can save him from becoming mad.
~Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

I’m having a difficult day and it’s not even 10 am. I know partly it is because it is the end of my week, and I am tired. I also know that it’s partly because Tuesday is one of my toughest days at work, and that was yesterday. I also know it’s because I get very frustrated at myself for allowing people to take away my “mighty.” – Something I read in another blog. I will try to link that up later. Right now, I’m just trying to not fall apart before I get to work.

Eavesdrop

fairies

A floral/garden display at the local market with a filter – from my Instagram.

“In the garden I tend to drop my thoughts here and there.
To the flowers I whisper the secrets I keep and the hopes I breathe.
I know they are there to eavesdrop for the angels.”
~Dodinsky, http://www.dodinsky.com

Disappearing

woods

Edited photo of local “woods.” September, 2015.

“I dislike the feel of this woods. Creatures that live in a unicorn’s forest learn a little magic of their own in time. Mainly concerned with disappearing.”
– Hunter, The Last Unicorn

Full Moon Blessings

photo

Another photo edited to make use of a slightly blurry & un-interesting photo of miscellaneous things in my cabinet.

“May you have warm words on a cool evening, a full moon on a dark night, and a smooth road all the way to your door.”  ~Irish Toast

This morning when leaving for work at just before 5 am, we saw the big beautiful golden full moon. It’s not the first time ever, mind you. It’s just been a season since we’ve been able to truly view the moon with a velvet black sky behind it, surrounded by smoky looking clouds and sparkling stars. Summer in Alaska is the season of the sun. It is “the land of the midnight sun.” We have reached the beginning of fall, and now sister moon returns to us (even tho she never really left.)

There is a peacefulness that I find at night, in the dark. Winter’s coldness feels right to me. If my living circumstances were different, I suppose I might feel differently. But right here, right now after working day 8 of 12.. it feels absolutely perfect. There is a chill in my bedroom. We are cuddled up, and J is already napping. The kitties, are napping and being surrounded by pillows & covers in the middle of the afternoon is beyond comforting. I feel peaceful, and at rest.

Full moon blessings to you, my friends . . * . * )0( * . *. .

Napville

sunflower

Blurry photo of a sunflower, edited. End of August, 2015.

There is no point at which you can say,
“Well, I’m successful now. I might as well take a nap.”
~Carrie Fisher

I’ve been filling in at work for my boss. It’s made for great experience, and little sleep. Today, should be my “Friday.” It’s not. Today, is day 5 of 12. I’m not sleeping a whole lot because of work, and the fact that I have a lot of other life things to do!

Today, my regional manager & a rep. from the parent company came for an inspection. It went off without a hitch. Actually, anything and everything that could go wrong – did. That’s OK. I’m OK. In fact, I feel pretty decent.

I have to disagree with that Carrie Fisher quote, and decide I was successful enough to take a nap! I’m going to take a good long one too!

Struggle

me

Taken July 15, 2015 at 4:44 pm. Webcam used while laying on sofa. Not the best angle. Edited with PicMonkey.

“When a man is at his wits’ end it is not a cowardly thing to pray,
it is the only way he can get in touch with reality.”
~Oswald Chambers

Things have been a bit rough for me lately. I’m not doing any of the things that I really love. I’m starting to think it’s because I don’t really love anything. Reflecting back to a conversation with a counselor at my physician’s office, I remember describing the absolute shallowness of how I felt. Not, shallow like vanity but, perhaps hollow. She told me to “fake it, till you make it.” It’s what I’ve always done, but when does the faking stop?

My personal relationships have been tested a lot this year. I’m not a buddy buddy person. Outside of my sweet, I hang out with no one. I don’t make phone calls (except to my daughter, grandchildren, and occasionally my grandfather.) I have attempted to make friends and only found people who lie, backstab and gossip. It’s only reaffirming my hermit like self to remain isolated but, it gets lonely inside my head. Not having a cellphone that can take photos is limiting some of the only self-expression I have. No photos, no moments to save, nothing to share, no blog posts, no words leaving my cluttered mind. It’s getting rough.

Work is monotonous. I see the same people everyday, they buy the same things everyday. I even see them at the exact same time of the day. Every day is the same. I wear a uniform everyday, and nothing changes. And the same thoughts run through my mind.

I’m sad today.

Not Forgotten

sunset

Sunset, looking down our street. I believe I took this in March, of 2015. I did use a filter on this photo to help disguise some of the vehicle plates etc. It was fairly dark naturally, however.

“A man does not die of love or his liver or even of old age;
he dies of being a man.”
~Percival Arland Ussher

Palm Trees

Palm trees

Palm trees that stood way above the houses and cars below. Sacramento, California. Beginning of April, 2015.

One of my biggest fascinations on my trip to California was, the trees. I had forgotten how many different types of trees that can grow in that state. Pretty sure my daughter was starting to think I was a little special with all my pointing at each tree I encountered. I couldn’t help it, the variety just boggled my mind, it was great.

I cropped the photo above, because people outside their homes with children and such are at the bottom. Really don’t like invading people’s privacy, so edited photo is what you get.

It was funny though. My whole visit, even as I was in a much larger city than I am used too – I felt like I was in the “country” the whole time. No mountains, no ocean, no creeks and woods.. it was all just flat land. Not much to look at in the sky, it was kind of depressing. Thank goodness for the trees!

Those Moments

pink roses

Pink roses in a local park. Sacramento, California 04/06/2015

Why does it take a minute to say hello and forever to say goodbye? ~Author Unknown

I had an early flight of 6 am from Sacramento International airport. We decided it was best not to wake the entire family (half of them being babies) to endure the drive and the goodbyes. My daughter and I got up just after 4 am, and were on our way by 4:30 am so that I could be at the airport one hour prior to my flight departure.

The public parking is about two miles away from the terminal, so she drove me up to the departures entrance of the airport. There is a time limit, but no one was around. Except for the security guard on his segway, that drove by a couple of times to remind us of that. We hung on as long as we could, and finally hugged and said goodbye.

I stood in the airport just inside the doors, and waved goodbye and waved goodbye. We were in a no-you-go-first standoff. It was absolutely heartbreaking, in fact I am tearing up right now. Leaving my daughter behind again, it was brutal.

On a lighter note, I almost missed my flight home. I’ll share that story, another time.