Meme Me

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A Sanrio version of myself? Made with Chanrio maker. Link in post.

“All cartoon characters and fables must be exaggeration, caricatures.
It is the very nature of fantasy and fable.”
~Walt Disney

Do you ever look at all those memes or graphics on social media sites, like Facebook and believe them? You know the ones, that say things like “You are the author of your own story!” or “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” These graphics take amazing quotes from people like Deepak Chopra and Maya Angelou and place them on blank backgrounds with large fonts, creating that BOOM!, in your face effect! As in, how could that not be true? Why aren’t you doing it?

I look at those graphics a lot. Usually, they have a really positive effect on my attitude. Most I have seen before. They get recycled, and usually I recognize who said it (even tho that’s often left off the image.) Sometimes, I share them hoping they give someone else the quick boost that I also, had just needed.

Then, there are also the days that those well intended graphics, memes, quotes and single shot doses of motivation just sting! As if it were all just that easy! Right!? Instead of making me perk up (as intended), reading “Get up! Dress up! Show up! & never give up!”  on a t-shirt being advertised; it can make me down right angry! Thinking inside my head, “HEY T-SHIRT BACK OFF! You don’t know anything about me or my situation!”

How do these images/graphics/memes/quotes effect you? How are they affecting society? Did you just click this post to get the link to the Chanrio Maker? Here it is, http://chanrio.com/?utm_#/. Have fun folks!

Apple Pie

apple pie

A square apple pie, baked today. July 17th, 2015.

“Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos.” ~Don Kardong

Despite everything, I have always been one to get up/dress up & show up. I remember my mother getting angry at me and, insisting I wasn’t sick if I was willing to eat. There has never been an illness that prevented me from being hungry. Now, over my adult life I have learned when not to eat – but it didn’t stop me from being hungry.

When I went to see the psychiatrists and counselors, I always showered and put my makeup on. They would always comment at my ability at self-care – what lovely eyeshadow I had on. It’s not my nature to go without eating or showering, or combing my hair.

I really have never believed that I needed to prove my illness and, just because I’m better at putting my face on other than some or that I can bake a pie.. doesn’t mean that I am perfect and happy inside. I shouldn’t have to prove my pain. Remember folks, it’s not a competition.

Struggle

me

Taken July 15, 2015 at 4:44 pm. Webcam used while laying on sofa. Not the best angle. Edited with PicMonkey.

“When a man is at his wits’ end it is not a cowardly thing to pray,
it is the only way he can get in touch with reality.”
~Oswald Chambers

Things have been a bit rough for me lately. I’m not doing any of the things that I really love. I’m starting to think it’s because I don’t really love anything. Reflecting back to a conversation with a counselor at my physician’s office, I remember describing the absolute shallowness of how I felt. Not, shallow like vanity but, perhaps hollow. She told me to “fake it, till you make it.” It’s what I’ve always done, but when does the faking stop?

My personal relationships have been tested a lot this year. I’m not a buddy buddy person. Outside of my sweet, I hang out with no one. I don’t make phone calls (except to my daughter, grandchildren, and occasionally my grandfather.) I have attempted to make friends and only found people who lie, backstab and gossip. It’s only reaffirming my hermit like self to remain isolated but, it gets lonely inside my head. Not having a cellphone that can take photos is limiting some of the only self-expression I have. No photos, no moments to save, nothing to share, no blog posts, no words leaving my cluttered mind. It’s getting rough.

Work is monotonous. I see the same people everyday, they buy the same things everyday. I even see them at the exact same time of the day. Every day is the same. I wear a uniform everyday, and nothing changes. And the same thoughts run through my mind.

I’m sad today.

Sisters Three

witches

More store bought decorations, before Halloween of 2014.

“Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life.”
~Charles M. Schulz

I was never a good big sister. I was a mean big sister. Well, let me say I wasn’t always mean and I did love my sisters. Our parents were never around when we were small. My mother was a drunk at the time, and very busy with her “friends.” And my Dad, he was always away at work on the oil rig for weeks at a time. We were left alone a lot. Like, a lot.

I was supposed to be their protector, and I wasn’t. I stood by, and I didn’t take the correct course of actions. Sure, I was a kid too but.. I was the big sister.

When I moved back to Alaska, my sisters welcomed me. One invited me, and my sweet into her home. The other, she brought her baby for me to see and hold. I didn’t hold her baby. It was an assholish thing to do, or not do. I was afraid, and I made the wrong choice. Who doesn’t hold a baby? Me, the same big sister who didn’t make the right choices. The same big sister who didn’t speak out. The same big sister, who still to this day – cannot be a sister. Life’s lessons.

Oneness

july 2012

July, 2012 Alaska

“The peace which is the most important is that which comes to the souls of people when they realize their relationship, their oneness with the universe.” – Black Elk

I am love, I am whole. I am one with the universe.

Whole New World

 

the point

The point, summer of 2014.

I’ve felt a bit lost in the big, wide ocean of life, but I can see the shore in the distance. It’s going to take work, but there is a whole new world out there kids.

The Woods

black spruce trees

Alaskan black spruce trees, a personal favorite of mine. July, 2014

We aren’t out of the woods yet (as they say) – but the trees aren’t so scary anymore.

Memories of Yesterday

July, 2012 Westchester Lagoon

July, 2012 Westchester Lagoon

It’s funny how my memories seem like just yesterday but when looking back, it all becomes a little hazy.

Change is in the Air

fireweed gone to seed

The season is changing.

End of July, 2014 and the Fireweed is already going to seed. Fireweed is said to predict the coming of winter. This photo would indicate that an early winter should come in 6 weeks time. Either way, I can feel the season changing all around me. It’s in the air. I can smell it and feel it, it’s definitely fall. Fall had always been my favorite season with its chilly nights, hot soup and pumpkins to look forward to! What this photo really indicates is that each day is a gift whether it’s filled with blistery hot sunshine, falling leaves or six feet of snow and layers of ice.

Wildflowers

ox eye daisy, red and white clover, arctic lupine and yarrow wildflowers and "weeds"

ox-eye daisy, red and white clover, arctic lupine and yarrow wildflowers and “weeds”

“Flowers seem intended for the solace of ordinary humanity.” ~John Ruskin

It’s a bit rough sometimes working with the public and in customer service. Learning not to take anger and frustration personally, can be difficult sometimes. People as a whole are marvelous, however. It’s so amazing to me how many people are in this world and how we, for the most part co-exist and work together. We each have our own personal histories and pains, loves and triumphs. The world covered in a blend of souls and stories, we are like wildflowers – each of us.