Longing

pink roses

A sweet bouquet of vibrant pink roses with baby’s breath.

“Aroused by spring, they are soft as cream…”
~Chao Luan-Luan

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Turning To Flowers

purple dyed rose

Purple tinted cream colored rose amongst other beautiful flowers.

“Turning to the flowers for help with the challenges now facing humanity makes good sense, for they direct us to the source of our own majesty – divine love. With their vibrant color, aromatic scent and graceful geometry, flowers embody the purity, joy and innocence residing within each one of us. We may each become more fully realized individuals, as we realign ourselves by listening with our hearts to the teachings of flowers.”

~Isha Lerner, from “The Power of Flowers”
an Archetypal Journey Through Nature
(booklet & oracle cards.)

Obey

IMG_20151116_192709 (1)

“Let’s not forget that the little emotions
are the great captains of our lives and
we obey them without realizing it.”
~Vincent Van Gogh, 1889

Recharge

selenite

Selenite points, wands, and large base chunk. Photo taken at Nature’s Jewels in Anchorage, Alaska. November 12, 2015.

Yesterday, I spent most of the morning being quiet and staying to myself in the bedroom. I couldn’t decide if I was going to mope or cry or just brood and replay Wednesday over and over again in my mind until I ended up quitting my job or just zone out and let the day pass me by. It took awhile to decide. I spent time with the kitties, and let the sunshine in the bedroom. It was nice watching Porki and Macy play with my turitella agate stone.

The decision was made. I got up and took a shower, got dressed and we headed off to Nature’s Jewels. It’s a rock shop I quite enjoy but, don’t get to that often. I was looking for a rough chunk of red calcite, and asked for help finding it. The woman who helped us was really nice and friendly. Both my sweet and I were engaged in different conversations with the staff and as he called it “stoney conversations.” Even though I was having a good time, I got a bit claustrophobic. My social interaction skills still aren’t the best, and I was still feeling a fairly rough. I did try tho.

There were a few really beautiful large display pieces of the red calcite but not quite what I was looking for. It was nice to learn that this shop does layaway. What I ended up with was, a small bottle of blue topaz chips and a large palm size chunk of pink Himalayan salt and one small piece of red calcite.

rocks

The three stones purchased at Nature’s Jewels on 11/12/15.

Today, it’s been a bit of a rough start. I keep thinking about my line of work and, it’s not something that really makes my spirit sing. It does however, pay the bills. I am tired and by tired I mean mentally/physically and emotionally drained from it. That leaves me with little energy to do things I love. It might be time for a change but, it needs to be a BIG one not just a change of location.

I think I will spend the day focusing on cleaning. It’s also tiring but, it does provide a good distraction. If I can, I want to spend some time with some of my tarot cards and stones. I still need to cleanse and recharge. My joy is on low, and I don’t want to let the battery die.

Eavesdrop

fairies

A floral/garden display at the local market with a filter – from my Instagram.

“In the garden I tend to drop my thoughts here and there.
To the flowers I whisper the secrets I keep and the hopes I breathe.
I know they are there to eavesdrop for the angels.”
~Dodinsky, http://www.dodinsky.com

Happy Halloween!

pumpkin pie pumpkins

Organic pumpkins for pumpkin pie, on sale at local market. End of October, 2015.

“When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam,
May luck be yours on Halloween.”
~Author Unknown

Aviation Musem

Yesterday, on my sweets birthday we went to the Alaska Aviation Heritage Museum. It was a wonderful experience, we had the whole place to ourselves. There was also a full immersion flight simulator for J, to experience.

We wandered slowly, and tried to take it all in. So much to see, to read and to take in. It really was a beautiful and love filled day.

For dinner, I made him a yummy thick grass fed all natural New York steak, salad and onion rings. After dinner, I began baking the Duff’s designer cake mix. Suddenly, my MELTDOWN came on. I don’t always see them coming.  In fact, I rarely do.

I’ve had a lot on my mind, swirling swirling thoughts and feelings. I have felt isolated quite a bit. It’s come to the forefront once again, that outside my sweet and my daughter and grandchildren I have no connections. No true friends, no relationships outside of Facebook likes and work associates – even though I really do try to. With my daughter and grandchildren down in the lower 48, I only have J. When he and I don’t agree or even if he’s just sleeping etc, I am left alone with my brain.

My brain can be a terrible place, filled with anxiety and extremely depressing thoughts. Often when I have a really good day, it can come crashing down around me and I feel extreme lows. It’s part of my disorders, or it’s just how my lousy emotional and social skills surface.

Thank you for all of the kind words, and your continued visits. Be good to yourselves friends.

Every Day

red flowers

Taken at my favorite local flower shop, mid-September in 2015.

“If you don’t think every day is a good day, just try missing one.”
~Cavett Robert

Ramble

parrot

This is our friend Denail. He is a grey African parrot at a local shop. October 10th will be his 21st birthday!

Happy Birthday to our sweet feathered friend Denali! On October 10th he will be 21 years of age! How fantastic is that!? 🙂

Ok, that’s great about the bird but where have I been? (I hope some of you ask.) I don’t know what happened but, I dropped off the blogging map for a bit. Today, I’m plopped on my sofa watching Chopped Canada (boy that’s a weird version of the show.) Yesterday, I spent the day with the lovely J and tooled about town. We visited Denali, if you didn’t notice. He’s quite the character.

The week before, I worked 7 days in a row and ended up doing over time several days on top of that. It’s kind of funny because my job is not a critical type of role in the world like doctor, paramedic or something where you can see the need to work such long hours but yet, I do. It’s the standing joke that I actually never go home, I sleep on a cot in the back – if I actually slept. But no, I do go home. It’s been quite nice too, because J has been keeping on the dishes & cleaning so I just get to climb into bed and die for the evening. That’s what it feels like anyway.

Post op update: I’ve broken all the rules. I’m the worst patient ever. Same day of surgery, we went grocery shopping. Second day after surgery I was in pain. One week after surgery, I had sexual intercourse (oh my!) with my honey and one and a half weeks after I took a bath. This morning, I just had to have a hot bath – I couldn’t take it any longer. I was supposed to wait two weeks for both sex and bath, but I knew I would never make it that long.

And now for the weird wrap up to this rambling post. Who knew it would go from a bird’s birthday to sex talk but hey, that’s just part of who I am.

“I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes
several days attack me at once.”
~Jennifer Yane