Coloring with crayons a few days ago. It helps relax me but, I don’t nearly do it enough. It’s hard to sit on the floor, and we have no room for desk or table.
“People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.”
As I feared, yesterday ended badly. I could tell you everything about why it happened, but it doesn’t really matter. What matters today, is that I need to repair the hurt. Let go of the pain, and wash away the feelings that my emotional processing is “wrong.”
At the end of my shift, when I was at my weakest I was verbally attacked and physically threatened. I called everyone for help (including the police, boss and my sweet) and everyone showed up. That in itself was wonderful but, I didn’t get what I was really looking for. It made me feel abandoned. My “abandoned child” came out, and I never felt more alone. It was terrifying, and it still makes me sad.
Today, I must rest and I am going to do my best to find some peace. There will be no “fake it till I make it” today. Nope, nothing but real faces today – all 5 of them most likely.