Longing

pink roses

A sweet bouquet of vibrant pink roses with baby’s breath.

“Aroused by spring, they are soft as cream…”
~Chao Luan-Luan

Spent

spent

Alaskan humour, Spring of 2015.

Despite that the photo displays an icy winter scene, it was actually taken in the early spring. However, it shows how I feel currently at the end of our summer. I don’t know what our winter will be like this year, but I welcome it. Someone the other day called me “winter girl.”

The photo is of a sewage pipe with a poorly rendered penis spray painted on the side, and I hope I don’t have to explain what the melting ice represents. Tsk tsk you naughty Alaskans.

It’s weird, now looking at this old photo I see the image of a person in the shrubbery just to the right. No one was actually there. Perhaps, it’s a ghost or just photographic trickery.

Yesterday, death was on my mind a lot. Two people I interacted with on a near daily basis (through work) died in July. And death hit close to home too. It was all so sudden, unexpected and incredibly tragic. Death changed everything in so many nameless ways.

Summer has been too hot, and has left me feeling burnt once again. I’m ready for the cold. I am ready for the dark. I want to wear a coat and see my breath in the air. It’s time to turn inward, to stay in doors and perhaps hibernate a little.

Celebrate This Day!

trees

Sunlight between tall bare thin trees. Mid-April, 2015. Delong Lake, Alaska

“Work is not always required.
There is such a thing as sacred idleness.”
~George MacDonald

I hope everyone is enjoying the gift of this life we have been given here in America, on this day! Yesterday was the day, my sweets and I celebrated. We went swimming in another lake (not the location in the photo) for the first time in at least 10 years! There were baby ducks swimming around us and, so many people just out enjoying the sun! Today, it’s raining lol. No worries, I am still happy 🙂 And I hope you are too!

Effort

food

My European deli meal for my birthday! April 6, 2015 in Sacramento, California.

For my birthday my daughter flew me out of Alaska, and down to California! I hadn’t seen her in almost 8 years! She paid for my ticket so that I could meet my two wonderful Grandchildren. It was a major blessing, there are just no words to describe how incredible it was!

We went out with the babies in the stroller, and took a nice long walk around the neighborhood together.  Visiting thrift stores, and a variety of shops. We came across two European deli markets and had a lot of fun looking at all the different foods, spices and other items. We picked up a jelly roll cake, a potted meat from Poland, a vegetable soup from Ukraine (I think) and some marinated mushrooms from behind the counter at one of the shops. I also bought myself a KINDER EGG! The prize was an adorable glow in the dark ghost holding a red & white lollipop! One of the grossest things I picked out were chocolates with alcohol like vodka in them! Eww lol!

The greatest thing about this meal, was that my daughter and granddaughter were so willing to eat the food and try new things with me! It made me really happy! I remember as my daughter got older, we didn’t sync anymore. I can’t blame her. During some of the most formative years of her life, I turned into a horrible selfish drunken sobbing mess. I had a mid-life crisis in my twenties!

Even with my past, and everything that I went through… she should have always been my priority! I should have made more effort! It’s a wound I cannot fix. It is there, and that time is lost. It is, what it is and no matter how sorry for it all that I am – it cannot be undone. So, to have her do something so wonderful and reach out to me. To bring me to her family, and to welcome me with open arms, and make the effort to eat a silly meal with me… was and always will be on of the greatest memories of my life! I am grateful.

If Only

paper people

Paper people cutouts hand in hand. Hung in the windows of ANMC, mid-April of 2015.

“If only I may grow: firmer, simpler, quieter, warmer.” ~Dag Hammarskjold

Rough Around the Edges

Rough cut tree, lay fallen on the ground. Mid-March, of 2015. I was hoping to get a clearer photo of the woods grain pattern. That didn't happen.

Rough cut tree, lay fallen on the ground. Mid-March, of 2015. I was hoping to get a clearer photo of the woods grain pattern. That didn’t happen.

“Respect your efforts, respect yourself.  Self-respect leads to self-discipline.  When you have both firmly under your belt, that’s real power.”  ~Clint Eastwood

Exercising my skills in both, self-respect and self-discipline. In an effort to enhance my experience on this Earth, as a human. 🙂 I’m going to press on.

Expending Energy

white flowers

Rainy flowers on a shrub, in April of 2015. Mid-day. Sacramento, California.

“Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.” ~Albert Camus

The Dancer

tree

A tree in my daughter’s front yard, in Sacramento California. Taken in April of 2015.

“Everything in the universe has rhythm. Everything dances.” ~Maya Angelou

On the Rocks

rocks

Rocks at the beach, April of 2015.

“Every time you don’t follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness.”  ~Shakti Gawain