Joy

fireweed

Taken today. August 20th, 2015. Fireweed, up close.

“By plucking her petals, you do not gather the beauty of the flower. ~Rabindranath Tagore”

I am so incredibly happy to present the first photo shared on this blog, taken with my new cellphone camera. As most of you who read this little diary know, I’ve been going through off and on again cellphone trouble all year. At the beginning of this week, my cellphone took it’s last breath (so to speak.) During phone calls it would garble, and cut out allowing me to hear only every other word or so. It would turn off and stopped taking photos a month or so ago, it feels like it’s been ages. I couldn’t take it anymore, and my work/life does require me to have a phone so we went to Walmart. For $59.00 totally not in the budget, I bought a prepaid AT&T Maven. These types of purchases are always a risk (remember how much I hated my last prepaid cellphone purchase? I donated that phone to a co-worker’s daughter.) I am glad to say I am thoroughly happy with this android. I’ve been using it all week but, I was afraid to take pictures lest I absolutely despise the quality. This morning, I decided it was time to test it out! I am very pleased 🙂

It’s a gorgeous day outside, the sun is shining an intense golden light. We did go out for awhile in it, perhaps too long as now I am in bed with my girl kitty Macy staring out the window. I feel kind of sick and burnt. My health hasn’t been the greatest, although it’s not the worst. I’ve had a burning heat from under my breasts and down through my belly to my hips today. Even my hands, and eyeballs feel hot. Perhaps an infection? Or, hormonal. It’s most likely the latter as I am having more trouble “downstairs.” My back aches with a constant soreness as I’m having a perpetual menstrual cycle. My OBGYN doctor removed my Mirena implant last week, and to everyone’s surprise (especially hers and mine) it HURT!!! It felt like a burning slice happened inside my body, in some untold location. My heart jumped up into my chest and my doctor jumped back saying “It’s out! It’s out! It’s OK.” J was afraid, the nurse seemed completely startled and my doctor looked worried. Crackers and juice were issued to me, and a suggestion of rest. There is a day surgery coming up, a D&C complete with a camera being inserted internally to help the doctor get a better look at things.

More than you wanted to know? Hey, it’s been like forever since we’ve been able to chat 😉

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Spent

spent

Alaskan humour, Spring of 2015.

Despite that the photo displays an icy winter scene, it was actually taken in the early spring. However, it shows how I feel currently at the end of our summer. I don’t know what our winter will be like this year, but I welcome it. Someone the other day called me “winter girl.”

The photo is of a sewage pipe with a poorly rendered penis spray painted on the side, and I hope I don’t have to explain what the melting ice represents. Tsk tsk you naughty Alaskans.

It’s weird, now looking at this old photo I see the image of a person in the shrubbery just to the right. No one was actually there. Perhaps, it’s a ghost or just photographic trickery.

Yesterday, death was on my mind a lot. Two people I interacted with on a near daily basis (through work) died in July. And death hit close to home too. It was all so sudden, unexpected and incredibly tragic. Death changed everything in so many nameless ways.

Summer has been too hot, and has left me feeling burnt once again. I’m ready for the cold. I am ready for the dark. I want to wear a coat and see my breath in the air. It’s time to turn inward, to stay in doors and perhaps hibernate a little.

Temple

buddhas

Buddhas outside Buddha Meditation Center, Anchorage Alaska. August, 2015.

“Skin is a covering for our immortality.” ~Terri Guillemets

Might have been best to place a Buddha quote under that photo, but I really enjoyed the idea Terri Guillemets portrayed. Not everything need be so matchy matchy. Right?

Just as I said, we went back for the evening service of chanting and meditation. I had a terrible headache all day, and I didn’t really feel like attending no matter how intriguing the idea. However, I knew it was important to J and no matter our current disposition – we have been through a lot together and always ended up supporting each other, at one time or another. It was hot inside. Buddhist monks can’t pay for a.c. The ceiling fans that looked like giant flowers didn’t spin either.

The Abbott greeted us once again, and showed us how to bow to Buddha three times prayer to chanting. We mimicked. Another non-Thai type entered, and he was also shown. The man appeared to be a European backpacker.

We bowed, we chanted – well.. I made no attempt. I am no good for soft rolling languages. It was difficult to follow. J, kept me on the right page. The chanting was very harmonious. There were intermittent sneezes and coughs, but altogether very peaceful. Chanting was followed by meditation – 40 minutes. A timer was set, and the Abbott meditated while walking behind the shrine. I sat and peeked through my eyelids, as we were instructed to look at Buddha through closed eyes. Proper breathing was also taught prior.

Sitting, sitting, breathing, and breathing. Quiet peeking, sitting and more sitting I thought “I don’t know if I can do this.” Despite my impatience, I did not get up or distract J. He wanted this, he needed this. The European backpacker fell asleep and his feet faced Buddha. Ours, safely tucked under our bodies and pointed away. The timer went off. Coughs, stretching and then a quick message in Thai to our ambassador of sorts (the kung fu looking man from prior post.) He quickly nodded and scooted over and told the visitor that although the Abbott did not say his form of meditation was wrong, it was wrong to point his feet at Buddha but also, his choice as it’s his karma. I really shortened that, the man explaining was very patient and gentle in his words.

I couldn’t leave quick enough. I felt sort of out of place, and I don’t know why. I really enjoy other cultures and customs. The temple is beautiful, the carpet was comfy. I can’t help but feel it had to do with being a woman, and temple/church/church/temple = organized religion which isn’t something I am super comfy with. It was a beautiful learning experience, nonetheless.

Be Flexible

kitty stretching

Stretch! A quick pic snapped with my webcam with my HP Google Chromebook laptop. It’s been edited a bit, because when I took it – the webcam had a filter applied to it. The scratcher was broken and bent, but since fixed by my sweets. Photo taken June, 2015.

“Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.”
~Author Unknown

The day I took this, it was super hot! It was in the eighties I believe, and it was about 92 degrees in our upstairs apartment (that’s ridiculous hot for Alaskans!) With no AC, and four fans blowing – we still needed somewhere for the hot air to go! Hence, the open front door. I’m not to keen on having the front door open, only because our apartments have an enclosed walkway/entrance and there is a lot of foot traffic. Who wants to watch people walk back and forth, trying to not or trying to look into your home? Not me, thanks! Anyway, that day it was a necessity!

I had some super ridiculous drama on FB last night (surprise, surprise right?) All about (originally) being understanding and tolerant of people. Which quickly became about what an old “hag” I am, and my psychiatric diagnoses where a lot of stigma & hate were thrown at me. I was even attacked about my blog, and was told I was going to lose my job when she shows my employer this positive place for photos and memories but, I digress. My point is, I am flexible. I am not so rigid in my mind that I need to insult, intimidate, pass judgement or use physical threats to get my way, or live my life! Bullying is so passé! Go in love & light my friends! Be flexible!

Fight The Good Fight

trees

Green leaves on tall skinny trees. Pretty little yellow flowers spring up from below. Pop Carr Park, mid-May of 2015. 

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.” ~e.e. cummings, 1955

The Dancer

tree

A tree in my daughter’s front yard, in Sacramento California. Taken in April of 2015.

“Everything in the universe has rhythm. Everything dances.” ~Maya Angelou

3 Barons Fair

dancing

Dancing about to begin at the 3 Barons Renaissance Fair. June 6th, 2015.

On Saturday, my sweet took me to the 3 Barons Renaissance Fair! We headed out right after work and just had a fabulous time! This photo is one of my sweet’s favorite pics that I took that day. It doesn’t do any justice to the great tents and decor set up, because it’s out in the wider clear area for the DANCING! It does show however, our beautiful Alaskan mountains and captures how lucky we feel to live here! It was a slightly rainy day, but for us it only added to the experience. More photos from that day to come in future posts.

Slow Down

flower

Pink flower. Part of an outside display at the market. June, 2015. Does anyone know the name?

“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” ~Lao Tzu

Not quite been myself (or have I) – just very tired and a bit overwhelmed. Pain scale has been high. I really should take the time to update this blog with personal info. I will try to make that a priority for tomorrow!

No Place

lake

Almost a sundog, at Delong Lake. Late April, 2015.

“You can’t run away from trouble. There ain’t no place that far.” ~Uncle Remus

Still in a funk. Not sleeping right, boredom at work and on my mind – my back trouble. Last week, I was told by my chiropractor who was looking at x-rays done in 2009 that I have a Pars defect of the spine. New x-rays were taken to be graded and reviewed for Spondylolisthesis.