Wounded

the woods

A walk in the woods. Autumn of 2015. September in Alaska.

“It is the false shame of fools to try to conceal wounds that have not healed.” ~Horace

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The Autumnal

decaying plant

After the rain. First day of Autumn, 2015.

“No spring nor summer’s beauty hath such grace
As I have seen in one Autumnal face….”
~John Donne, “Elegy IX: The Autumnal”

The Rain is Gone

white flower in grass

A flower fallen in the grass. The city’s hanging baskets were removed from their posts along the street. September, 2015. Anchorage, Alaska

“I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.”
-Johnny Nash

I got my vision tested yesterday. I also got, my first pair of eyeglasses! My vision was tested in 2012, but I never filled my prescription. I always felt like, I could see you know? Words blurred at a distance, I couldn’t read menu boards or the cable guide but I managed.

I don’t know why I waited so long! Seeing is believing folks! The only thing that pushed me into getting glasses is that I need them to pass the eye test at the DMV, when I got in to get my drivers license.

I am nearsighted, and my vision in my right eye is worse than my left. My eyes were dilated and I’ve got to healthy peepers! My first pair of glasses are pretty basic. Family members recommended Eye Mart, and I got a great deal on a pair of plastic lenses in some cute black & pearl white frames.

Putting my glasses on and taking them off makes me dizzy at first. In fact, I’ve felt overwhelmed at times. Taking everything in, I’m seeing things I didn’t know I was missing. I haven’t stopped talking about it for the past two days. I see the world with brand new eyes. My whole outlook of the world has improved!

Today, we went to the woods for a hike and it was breathtaking. Seeing fall colors and the seasonal changes so vividly, was amazing. I can see all the leaves on the trees. Each leaf, each needle is defined. Words, I can read them all! Even the menu boards, I can read a sign across a large room.

I just want to finish with a line from a commercial that never failed to make me laugh, “my eyes – my special eyes!”

Summer is Fading

Common tansy weed. I did not take the photo, it is my hand holding the group of little yellow buds.

Common tansy weed. I did not take the photo, it is my hand holding the group of little yellow buds.

Summer has a way of taking me away from the Internet and social media sites & connections. I need more of that in my life. So often, I find I don’t have the real-time that I want for the things that interest me most leaving me only clicking the like button on the activities of others. Unfulfilling interactions like that, and a loss of connection to self.

The past couple of weeks has been a great time for rest, as I have been very ill with an infection in my respiratory system. My emotional health, also hit an all-time low. So, I have taken a step back from many aspects/activities in my daily life. Sleep and rest, have been paramount.

Work is a priority. There are many demands to be met. I have been cleared for a driver’s license so, I need to get my eyeglasses. It’s been over a year since my last eye test, and prescription was written. I wish I had taken the time & money to have that prescription filled. Once I have met those requirements, I will take my next big step to promotion. I’m doing the best I can and trying to focus on these goals.

Reading, baking and cooking in general are also a big part of my life right now. Bubble baths, and quiet time are also always on the agenda. Peace be with you friends.

 

Be Flexible

kitty stretching

Stretch! A quick pic snapped with my webcam with my HP Google Chromebook laptop. It’s been edited a bit, because when I took it – the webcam had a filter applied to it. The scratcher was broken and bent, but since fixed by my sweets. Photo taken June, 2015.

“Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.”
~Author Unknown

The day I took this, it was super hot! It was in the eighties I believe, and it was about 92 degrees in our upstairs apartment (that’s ridiculous hot for Alaskans!) With no AC, and four fans blowing – we still needed somewhere for the hot air to go! Hence, the open front door. I’m not to keen on having the front door open, only because our apartments have an enclosed walkway/entrance and there is a lot of foot traffic. Who wants to watch people walk back and forth, trying to not or trying to look into your home? Not me, thanks! Anyway, that day it was a necessity!

I had some super ridiculous drama on FB last night (surprise, surprise right?) All about (originally) being understanding and tolerant of people. Which quickly became about what an old “hag” I am, and my psychiatric diagnoses where a lot of stigma & hate were thrown at me. I was even attacked about my blog, and was told I was going to lose my job when she shows my employer this positive place for photos and memories but, I digress. My point is, I am flexible. I am not so rigid in my mind that I need to insult, intimidate, pass judgement or use physical threats to get my way, or live my life! Bullying is so passé! Go in love & light my friends! Be flexible!

Honey

flower bunch

A mix flower bouquet at the general store, 04/19/2015.

While at work, I am one of those women who call everyone honey, sugar, dear etc. It makes everything a lot easier when you see many many faces but can’t always remember names. It’s also friendlier, most of my customers like it. They smile, and greet me back or chit chat. Even the grouchiest or rudest people can change their tune upon such terms, it just works for me.

Yesterday, it SNOWED! Well first, it rained and then snowflakes joined the rain which turned into just a really heavy wet down pour of snow. It was kind of funny, I know if anything is true here in Alaska it’s that bad weather doesn’t stop or slow down true Alaskans. However, with such a dry and mild winter, I thought this time it would.  I was wrong. Standing at my counter working alone, I had two lines formed at each side with ten people in each line just waiting. The line never got smaller, as fast as I helped everyone on their way – someone else just took their place at the back of the line. People started “camping out” and talking about the weather etc. Most were extremely patient with me, and I think most just wanted to be out to ask everyone they encountered if they could “believe the snow?”

Finally at the end of both lines, a single male customer walked up to my counter and said “You are so FAKE “darlin!” The look in his eyes told me, I was supposed to be hurt. I just looked at him with a smile and started ringing his purchase. He said you call everyone dear and honey! I just laughed and said because I got a lot of honeys, what can I say? Joking, I expected it would break his ‘tude, but no he re-iterated how FAKE it was. I finished up his sale and responded, most people like it but if it really bothers you I understand, and that’s OK. He looked defeated, thanked me and left.

Does being called sugar or honey bother you, when it’s by a cashier or clerk? How about being called fake? Who’s words do you let upset you? Curious 🙂 Rock on, all my sweet little dears!

Home Again

rain on flowers

April 8, 2015. Sacramento, California. Rainy day and mixed weather.

Home again! Returned on the 8th of April, and I am settling back into my normal routine! Bought an external keyboard to plug in, and use with my laptop! Daily blogging should resume 🙂

You Are The Sky

clouds

Unfiltered photo I took today with my cellphone of the clouds at approx. 4pm. The days are getting longer.

You are the sky. Everything else—it’s just the weather. ~Pema Chödrön

The Cold is Coming

ocean

Gulf of Alaska, 2014 beginning of the year.

It is fall in Alaska. The leaves are turning colors but also falling off the trees. People are complaining about shorter days and “cold” temperatures like 42 degrees (when in the spring that’s hot.) Everyone says every year that it’s come “early.” Earlier than last year, earlier than before. I enjoy the fall. I am glad that it returns with winter close on its cusp. I welcome the dark in the winter. All day sunshine is wonderful in the summer, but everything has its time.

Summer feels so fleeting that I often tire myself out trying to capture and savor each moment of it. There is hiking, events, fishing, camping, walking, bicycling, parties and long days just filled with anything and everything. I welcome the dark. It’s a time of death, a time to retreat inside and to prepare for long months of night. We will spend more time inside, and we will cry for the days of summer by mid-March.