“Nothing in life is to be feared.
It is only to be understood.”
It was time to clean and rejuvenate Ripley’s tank. My sweet took me on a ride to the pet store, where I took a million photographs and video clips of all the different little animals that interested me. In the photo is my J’s Christmas kitty Porki (just learned I’ve been spelling his name wrong, with a Y on the end instead of an I) and his pet rose hair tarantula Ripley.
He bought a new cork tree piece for shelter and decoration, and I purchased a background for the back of the tank. He uses shredded coconuts husk for the terrain. Porki and Macy both sat and watched with wide eyes the spectacle of this moving living spider, and the crickets jumping around! Macy used to be a real bug hunter, but now she just enjoys toying with the crickets. The crickets actually escaped the little feeder box, and had to show the cats myself how to hunt them. Yes, I also ate one. The rest were put back in the box, till next time.
I’ve always had fears. Lots of them. Why am I such a fearful person? A lot of the reason lies in the past but, why now? My “punitive parent” is a dominant face in the makeup of my personality. My punitive parent instincts tell me how wrong I am, how lazy, how bad I am. That part of my personality is always in charge. Finding balance, and allowing my healthy adult to surface and retain control is a daily struggle.
Last night, and yesterday I had a lot of fun and happiness. In my world, that means today I am full of fear. My punitive parent is angry.
“From my rotting body, flowers shall grow and
I am in them and that is eternity.”
“If you don’t think every day is a good day, just try missing one.”
Day surgery is done. I am at home, in bed and resting. I’m tired, and glad I was able to eat and drink. I refused narcotics, so not to dopey, just tired from lack of sleep last night.
Not going into to many details right now, just know that for now – I’m fine!
“There is nothing perfect…only life.”
― Sue Monk Kidd,
“Summer ends, and Autumn comes, and he who would have it otherwise would have high tide always and a full moon every night; and thus he would never know the rhythms that are at the heart of life.” – Hal Borland
Our cats have been extra lovey-dovey. I don’t know if it’s because I have been gone with work so much, or it’s just the current disposition. J has said the same, he has been home more as of late and he too gets lots of snuggles. Cats, love to hate them – can’t live without them. Troublemakers that wiggle in your heart, and cover everything with their fur! They eat too much, and poop too much, cuddle too much, purr too hard and know how to make everything OK again. Perhaps, they just know how much I need it in my life!
“There is, incidentally, no way of talking about cats that enables one
to come off as a sane person.” ~Dan Greenberg
July was full of death.
I’ve had a lot on my mind.
I want to post.
I need to stew over what I say.
It is a time to balance.
“Skin is a covering for our immortality.” ~Terri Guillemets
Might have been best to place a Buddha quote under that photo, but I really enjoyed the idea Terri Guillemets portrayed. Not everything need be so matchy matchy. Right?
Just as I said, we went back for the evening service of chanting and meditation. I had a terrible headache all day, and I didn’t really feel like attending no matter how intriguing the idea. However, I knew it was important to J and no matter our current disposition – we have been through a lot together and always ended up supporting each other, at one time or another. It was hot inside. Buddhist monks can’t pay for a.c. The ceiling fans that looked like giant flowers didn’t spin either.
The Abbott greeted us once again, and showed us how to bow to Buddha three times prayer to chanting. We mimicked. Another non-Thai type entered, and he was also shown. The man appeared to be a European backpacker.
We bowed, we chanted – well.. I made no attempt. I am no good for soft rolling languages. It was difficult to follow. J, kept me on the right page. The chanting was very harmonious. There were intermittent sneezes and coughs, but altogether very peaceful. Chanting was followed by meditation – 40 minutes. A timer was set, and the Abbott meditated while walking behind the shrine. I sat and peeked through my eyelids, as we were instructed to look at Buddha through closed eyes. Proper breathing was also taught prior.
Sitting, sitting, breathing, and breathing. Quiet peeking, sitting and more sitting I thought “I don’t know if I can do this.” Despite my impatience, I did not get up or distract J. He wanted this, he needed this. The European backpacker fell asleep and his feet faced Buddha. Ours, safely tucked under our bodies and pointed away. The timer went off. Coughs, stretching and then a quick message in Thai to our ambassador of sorts (the kung fu looking man from prior post.) He quickly nodded and scooted over and told the visitor that although the Abbott did not say his form of meditation was wrong, it was wrong to point his feet at Buddha but also, his choice as it’s his karma. I really shortened that, the man explaining was very patient and gentle in his words.
I couldn’t leave quick enough. I felt sort of out of place, and I don’t know why. I really enjoy other cultures and customs. The temple is beautiful, the carpet was comfy. I can’t help but feel it had to do with being a woman, and temple/church/church/temple = organized religion which isn’t something I am super comfy with. It was a beautiful learning experience, nonetheless.