“Every time you don’t follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness.” ~Shakti Gawain
I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do. ~Edward Everett Hale
Time is what we want most, but… what we use worst. ~William Penn
We each need to make peace with our own memories. We have all done things that make us flinch. ~Surya Das
If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise. ~Johann von Goethe
Beyond my body my veins are invisible.
~Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943,
translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin
Today I felt pass over me
A breath of wind from the wings of madness.
Stuck between a rock and a hard place? Yes, as usual. Slowly I have adapted to my current work requirements, and due to a lack of needed employees my hours have been bumped from only 29 to 40 hours. 40 hours a week is required for my life and finances, so there are no complaints about that. However, I am told around November/December part-time employees will be lucky to get any – that’s 0 hours.
I feel guilty or perhaps like I chose “wrong” to accept this current position. Perhaps if I stuck it out a little longer I would have found that full-time job that also makes my heart sing! I did get calls for interviews (one with a company I really wanted to work for) but I had already started my new job. I felt some moral obligation to stick with the company until at least training was finished and I could give proper notice.
However, I don’t really feel like this post is about my current work place or how many hours I will get. In reality, it’s about the feelings of turmoil underneath. Using responsibility and obligation, I tie stones around my neck so to speak. Doubting my decisions and finding ways to chastise myself for my decisions. Self-sabotage comes to mind. There are bigger issues at hand than my job, for me to work on! Stay POSITIVE people and always look towards the sun!
I’ve felt a bit lost in the big, wide ocean of life, but I can see the shore in the distance. It’s going to take work, but there is a whole new world out there kids.