New bright green growth on a green shrub/tree. Photo taken May of 2015. Can you identify it?
“Good decisions come from experience,
and experience comes from bad decisions.”
~Author Unknown
I over-edited/filtered this photo. It’s kind of how I have been doing everything lately – over-kill. Although I was diagnosed as Bipolar, I decided to no longer see my psychiatrist. Not agreeing with her, I didn’t want to acknowledge another label. Another disorder, another broken tag affixed to my forehead. I was absolutely sure being diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Severe Depression, Anxiety and PTSD and blah blah blah was enough already!. Being sexually abused, verbally abused and physically abused by the man who raised me -not to mention being abandoned by my mother/parents created a broken child/young adult. I am who I am, because of everything that has happened and my choices/responses to life and all of it’s situations. So when she started bringing up her diagnosis of Bipolar, I said “I’m broken, I get it” and I was out. Never to go back again. Self-care became my own problem/solution.
Now, a few years or more later I have become more willing to recognize why I was given such a diagnosis. Not because I am going to go back to taking a million different medications and feeling void of any feeling, or getting my blood tested constantly for levels of whatever antipsychotic they want to try out this time. No, it’s because I realize (and have always known) you can’t treat a problem if you don’t recognize it for what it is – a problem.
So, back to the main issue. I’ve been overdoing it again. Waves, everything I do and feel happens in waves. Patterns, repeating. I need to learn how to create my own mental/emotional breakers so the tsunamis stop occurring. It’s now a goal, a focus, a movement towards better self-care. I might not want to be labeled, I may want to feel every height and fall of emotion but, I can’t keep letting those waves crash onto the shores of those closest & most dear to me. I am a wife, a mother and a grandmother – and Grandma, she needs to be an anchor in life! (PS, I appear to be rambling and excessively using the “/” mark.)